The breakup

We had been together since September.  We met through friends. He had an answer for all my problems. Even my kid liked him. That sealed the deal for me. We bonded quickly. I thought I could handle a long term relationship. I was wrong.

I became 2 dependent on him, you see. It wasn’t healthy. Once a week became twice a week. If I couldn’t see him, I would panic. I wanted more. But I couldn’t have more, mainly because he was 2 expensive.

Yes, he is a trained professional. Yes, he understands the common core math curriculum. But the weight of his fees were 2 much to bare.

Today I broke up with him. In an email.SATC-breakup-post-it

It was short but took me almost an hour to construct. I tried to explain that we had outgrown each other. Mainly he had outgrown my budget.  I gave him praise and promised I would keep in touch. We both know it doesn’t work that way.

I know it was wrong but I couldn’t do it face 2 face. I didn’t want see the pain in his eyes. The hurt in his face. The shock of getting such news out of the blue. I didn’t want to run the risk of being persuaded to give him 1 more chance. As we all know, sometimes 1 more just doesn’t add up.

If train A leaves the station at 3pm and a car is going 60 miles an hour, no one can get an equal number of strawberries. 

I will miss his brightly colored manipulatives.

If I broke your heart,  I’m sorry, math tutor. I’m so very sorry.

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Ladies Who Lunch.

lunch ladies

The first rule of Ladies Who Lunch is you don’t talk about Ladies Who Lunch.

And if by chance you forget this rule, then don’t forget Rule Number Two:

If you fess up to lunching, always include a long list of all the errands you ran, tasks you completed, laundry you folded, etc. etc. before said lunch. It lessens the guilt.

Well guess what? Forget the rules. We don’t need them! I’m going to take away any guilt you may have for lunching, brunching, or cocktailing. It’s not lunch, ladies. It’s a business meeting. It’s a strategy session. A support group. It’s freaking therapy!

meeting in the ladies room

Think about it.

We are a company of women. We come together as moms, wives, friends and colleagues. Our business is family and these lunches are crucial to our work development. If you aren’t lunching(or brunching or cocktailing,) then you aren’t reaching your full potential!

These powwows empower us. They reboot our focus, inspire and energize us. The discussions we have at these lunches develop work and leadership skills. They are morale boosting. We solve problems, strategize and advise our colleagues. Damn! What are we waiting for?

Gather up those friends! Make a reservation! Plan a lunch in the park or drinks on the veranda (if you have a veranda, can I come?)  You owe it to your family! You owe it to yourself!

Let’s start lunching, ladies!

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Smells like Tween spirit

I am the parent of a tween girl. I had heard the term tween before, but I didn’t truly understand the term until now. I thought it was just referring to the age. Nope.

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It’s mental.

It’s emotional.

It’s crazy.

One minute she is asking for lip gloss and rolling her eyes, the next she wants to snuggle with me and watch cartoons. (Don’t tell her I told you that.)

She holes up in her room most of the day, “doing Instagram.” but when her brothers get all geared up to play Clash of the Clans, she’s the Queen fighting for her kingdom! (Don’t tell her I told you that!)  She wants a purse AND more stuffed animals!

4th of the July at the lake, it was all about the sun bathing and the hair, but in the blink of an eye, she was jumping off the boat doing flips and having water fights. I want to do flips off the dock! But I don’t want to get my hair wet. Do you know how long it takes me to dry this mane straight? And it’s dangerous! What if I crack my head open? People can get paralyzed you know. Stupid adult rationale.  I want to tell her to be young. Maturity isn’t all its cracked up to be.

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It sure is a confusing time….for me. Yes me. That’s my baby and she wants to be a grown up. But then she doesn’t.  I know the feeling, honey. I don’t think anyone ever wants to be a true grown up.  That’s why I sometimes wear a Turkey Suit!

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My hair stays dry, and although somewhat dangerous,

 no one’s head is getting cracked.

So just like with every stage in my kids’ lives, I am trying to figure out how to help her.  How to guide her through the tween spirit. It’s a balancing act. Encouraging childlike qualities but expecting adult like behavior.

Actually the more I think about it, we are all tweens. Right? I am still trying to hang on to that childlike carefree attitude. I like hugs. I like lipgloss. Life is hard as an adult. You can get too serious. You forget how to play. You walk on the sidewalk instead of tightrope walking the curb.

I know how I’m going to handle it. This tween spirit.

I’m going to embrace it.

Whatever side my daughter is on. Lip gloss – check!  Crying for no reason- I’m there, girl. More stuffed animals- ummm. I may try to guide her in a different direction.

It’s actually not a balancing act. It’s about having both feet completely in that one moment.   Yep. That’s what I will do.

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“Your breath smells like diarrhea!” and other helpful information.

“Your breath smells like diarrhea, Mom.”

I was taken aback because I had actually just brushed my teeth.

“Does it smell like diarrhea or like coffee?”

“Like diarrhea flavored coffee.”coffee-wink

I don’t think I’ve ever written the word diarrhea this many times.  I still don’t spell it correctly on the first try. Ok then.

“Thanks for telling me, buddy. I will try to correct the situation.”

(I also used it as a teachable moment because I’m a great parent!)

“You know, sometimes, if you only brush your teeth and not your tongue, your breath can still smell.

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*Blank stare.

Sometimes, my words of wisdom take awhile to sink in. I’m sure he will thank me for this later.

Kids.

They say the darndest things. Like:

“Mom, you aren’t 25 anymore.”

and

“Mom, are you sure you aren’t pregnant?

Because that dress says you are.”

But I have to say, this is also one reason why I was excited to have some. How many times have I tried to smell my own breath, or desperately wanted to check my nose or teeth for indiscretions, but was unable to get to a mirror? (One time is too many.)

I could ask my spouse, but then that last bit of mystery is gone. I’ve been married 20 years this summer, and I can proudly say he has never seen me sitting on the toilet. I hate even writing that word. We say potty. Anyway, that’s another post.

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I may or may not be sitting on the potty in this photo. 😉

Kids are another story! I can ask my kids (or more often, be told by them without even asking!) and there is no judgement. They tell it like it is and still think I’m pretty. 😉  Except when I wear that one “pregnant dress”…which is now in the trash!

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So if you have children, and they aren’t as forthcoming as mine….now you know they can come in handy in certain situations! Start utilizing them! (And always brush your tongue.)

Christmas break…winter break….psychotic break.

Whatever you want to call it, it’s happening right now. The kids are home for the holidaze. 2 weeks of freedom. I’m not a big planner. I don’t plan my grocery store trips much less what to do with kids when they are out of school in the winter time. Actually I take that back.

I had ideas.

I thought about the indoor rock climbing place and going to the pop up ice skating rink. It crossed my mind to take the kids to visit a museum or two. Make some Christmas cookies and drink hot chocolate. But then I didn’t feel like it. You see, I want a break too. I’m so happy to not have to think about both breakfast and lunch before 7am every week day. And skipping the rush to get everyone dressed, fed, organized etc before school. And the homework. Argh that stupid homework. So yeah, I thought about entertaining the kids, but then I realized I just want to sit in sweat pants and watch movies in the middle of the day. And not kid movies. I want some adult entertainment. Well , not ADULT entertainment…just non animated things, maybe even a documentary or two. OK no that’s not true. I don’t like documentaries unless it’s those VH1 Behind the Music ones. Those were great. I wonder if they still make those. Maybe I’ll check it out later.

Anyway, my point is that I want a break. At my house. In my house. From my house routines.

So this time, I decided to go with that. ~No, I’m not taking you to the mall the day before Christmas so you can spend the money your grandad just sent you. (So they are saving it.) ~No, I’m not going to use this time to do a big clean out. (My husband is forcing the kids to do it.) ~No I’m not going to fight with you about your dinner. Have cereal if you want. (They did.) Because I’m on a break. A break from all those mommy things I do most of the time. Don’t bathe if you don’t want to. I’m not. Yes this is a glass of wine. It’s cold out and I’m watching Love Actually. What do you think I should be drinking? 10441202_10152947038079521_2470934416130239660_n

me and my sweat pants

It’s going fairly well.  I have managed to stay in pajamas or sweat pants for most of the break and have watched all the episodes of the Starz show The Missing. Definitely not a kid show. No one has starved or been injured more than usual. I’ve taken naps! I’ve never been a napper but this year I made it a goal. I reached it. Usually the day after Christmas I have the tree down and all the decorations are boxed up. But not this year. The tree is still up and I’m not sure when it’s coming down. That’s just a huge mess of pine needles I have to deal with after pushing it out the door. image

Who says we can’t enjoy this all through January?

I haven’t planned much for my kids except for playdates. But those have been instigated by others. Not me. So yeah, it’s going pretty well.

Except for the guilt.

Don’t worry, I don’t act on the guilt. I just sit with it. Just me and my guilt watching tv. Me and my guilt enjoying a glass of wine. Me and my guilt napping. It’s so stupid really. Why shouldn’t I take a break? Is anyone going to die because I still have my tree up? Are my children going to be scarred because they didn’t go ice skating? Is it really a problem that we have no milk or toilet paper? OK yes, that last one may be a problem, but my husband was kind enough to handle the grocery store for me. Score! So I have a few days left where I can choose to not do anything. My kids are old enough to figure out what they can eat for breakfast and lunch.  And my husband is kind enough not to make comments about my “relaxed” appearance. image

A multitude of choices for breakfast and lunch 😉

Maybe someday I will figure out how to do this guilt free, but I guess that comes with practice. 😉 I’ll keep practicing for the next few days. In my sweat pants. I hope all of you out there are practicing taking a break as well.  After all we have a lot we will have to do in 2015 so we need to rest up. Cheers! Golden 2015 Happy New Year Greeting Card With Sparking Spot Ligh

There are 12 days til Christmas!

I have a lot to do. So much actually that when I realized I only had 12 more days til Christmas, I decided to get my butt in gear……and write a parody to the 12 days of Christmas. Because writing a song is way more fun than doing most of that other stuff. Yes, I am the queen of procrastination. You’re welcome. If you know the tune….sing along! 😉 Happy Holidays!

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There are 12 days til Christmas and I can barely breathe!

I don’t have a Christmas tree!

There are 12 days til Christmas and I can barely breathe~

-My cards need addressing

~And I don’t have a Christmas tree!

There are 12 days til Christmas and I can barely breathe~

-I’ve got to order presents

~My cards need addressing

~And I still don’t  have a tree!

There are 12 days til Christmas and  I can barely breathe~

-Buy teacher gifts

~I’ve got to order presents

~My cards need addressing

~And I still don’t have a tree!

There are 12 days til Christmas and  I can barely breathe~

~CREATE CHRISTMAS MAGIC

~ Buy teacher gifts

~I’ve got to order presents

~Someone print me labels

~And I may just get a fake tree.

There are 12 days til Christmas and I can barely breathe!

~ I need holiday sweaters,

~CREATE CHRISTMAS MAGIC

~Buy teacher gifts

~I’ve got to order presents

~Someone print me labels

~And it’s terrible I don’t have a tree.

There are 12 days til Christmas and I still can’t breathe!

~I forgot to adopt a family

~ Where’s a stupid sweater

~CREATE CHRISTMAS MAGIC!

~Buy teacher gifts

~I’ve got to order presents

~The cards will be new year’s

~And I may just get a fake tree.

There are 12 days til Christmas and I can barely breathe!

~The kids need to meet Santa

~ I forgot to adopt a family

~I despise Christmas sweaters

~THAT ELF FORGETS TO MOVE

~The teachers can have gift cards

~I’m screwed with the presents

~The cards will be for New Year’s

~And I’ll pay someone to deliver a tree.

There are 12 days til Christmas and I am hyperventilating!

~Order Christmas dinner

~The kids must meet santa

~ I forgot to adopt a family

~ Forget the sweater party

~ OH THAT CHRISTMAS MAGIC

~The teachers can have gift cards

~Argh the presents

~The cards will be for new years

~And I’ll get that tree if it kills me.

There are 12 days til Christmas~ my heads between my knees!

~Does Amazon do wrapping?

~Why am I hosting dinner?

~The Santa line’s a nightmare

~ I forgot to adopt a family

~We don’t wear sweaters in LA

~WHY’D I BUY THIS ELF?

~The teachers can have gift cards

~I’ve got to order presents

~Again with the cards

~and I really just need a Christmas tree.

There are 12 days til Christmas and I think I may pass out!

~Batteries aren’t included,

~Gifts can be in bags,

~I will just order precooked

~The kids can email Santa

~I feel bad about the family

~Enough with the sweaters

~WHERE’S MY CHRISTMAS MAGIC?

~Teachers like coffee

~Is it too late to order presents?

~No one is getting cards

~ But I’ll definitely get that damn tree.

There are 12 days til Christmas and my true love said to me:

~Just enjoy the meaning,

~Batteries can be purchased,

~Dinner will be fine,

~The kids should go see Santa,

~Give to Salvation Army,

~YOU HAVE CHRISTMAS MAGIC,

~Gift card for the teachers

~Amazon Prime will save you

~I’ll address the cards,

and let’s go get the Christmas tree!

Do you want to have a cocktail?

I made a video. Just for fun. It’s about connection. It’s about mothers helping other mothers.  It’s also about drinking. But mostly its about the human need for social interaction and the isolation stay at home moms sometimes feel. And drinking.

Take a look.

Enjoy it.

Share it.