And by baby I am referring to my actual baby. She is 11. I think she read somewhere that she is supposed to ask sexual questions every night at bedtime. Mother daughter bonding or something.
So it starts with ..”Mom, will you sit with me for a minute?” I’m not gonna lie…most of the time I really want to say no. I mean it’s 9:30pm and I’m ready for some deep conversations with my wine glass. 😉 But I sit down anyway and take a deep breath.
“Mom, where else do people have sex besides the bed?”
“Mom, do you have sex in the shower?”
“Mom, do you have a baby every time you have sex?”
“Mom, are your boobs part of your body or will they fall off when you bend over?”
What? That last one I feel like was just a stall tactic to keep me in her room longer. But I answer every question. She’s 11 and these are things she wants to know. And those questions seemed pretty tame. I want my kids to feel comfortable talking to me….even if I don’t feel comfortable talking with them. lol
I do have boundaries though. Maybe I’m old fashioned, but it bothers me to see so much sexual content out and about in public places. This isn’t about putting parental controls on my tv or internet. These are things we see in our neighborhood. I wish advertisers considered themselves part of that village that it takes to raise a child.
If I had a dollar for every time I saw sex written or overly insinuated on billboards etc while driving my kids to school…I’d have at least $10. (That didn’t have the impact I had hoped for, but 10 times on a 10 minute drive, that’s ridiculous.)
When my 9 year old said he knew the movie Sex Tape was about having sex, I asked him how he even knew about sex..his response, “Mom, when you have been around as long as I have, you start to know things.” Out of the mouths of babes.
He didn’t need to know about sex just yet. And he certainly didn’t need to know that people video tape it. That’s for later, when he is married and trying to “keep the fire alive.” Luckily, he did not ask a question so I did not go further with that particular conversation.
Kids see sex without even trying. What happened to the good old days where you had to see sexy things by sneaking into your friend’s parents room and look under the bed to find a Playboy or convince a babysitter that you were allowed to watch Blue Lagoon on HBO while your parents were out. (yes dated references, but you knew them, didn’t you?)
Some parents like to get started early. I know people who lay it all out there when their children are 6 and 7. I wonder if that works. Some of it is still a bit confusing at 43, so how is a child processing that?
Recently the term 69 was brought up with a few 5th graders. Some parents are of the philosophy that when a question is asked, you answer it completely, no holds barred.
I am of the philosophy that you pretend that someone is calling you and you have to go.
No, not really. My philosophy is that you give an answer that best fits the age group. There are some images a kid brain does not need to have. It’s a sex thing and leave it at that. When I was 10, 69 was just another odd number. Besides, I don’t care what you say about keeping it in the family. That kid has some interesting information and she wants to share it. And share it she did.
I don’t want to have lots of graphic sex conversations with my elementary school aged children. (Truth be told, any age children.) “Hey kids, forget the movie night, mommy is going to pop some popcorn and we can all settle in for a night of explicit discussions regarding sexual positions and why people video them.”
And for the record, I am by no means a prude. As a matter of fact, within my circle of friends, I’m the girl that makes everything seem like a sexual innuendo. It’s my thing and I’m good with it. (That’s what he said!)
I don’t mind answering questions, but I am more prepared for PG than R. I just feel like some of the questions that come up now aren’t because their brains are ready for it, but because they were exposed to it accidently. In those situations, less is more. Anywho, I was just sitting here thinking about all this and thought I’d share.
Feel free to do the same. xo
Totally your mothers child. My mom was very modest so consequently I received no sex talk. I also ask no sex questions. Thought never crossed my mind. Some things never change though and it really doesn’t matter about the billboards, tv, etc. Kids find out stuff and trust me even in the sixties girls in high school were having sex. Don’t remember how I found out anything but I do remember a girl getting pregnant our freshman year of high school. She literally vanished for 9 months and no one acted like she was even gone. Weird. I didn’t do sex talks. Would have had a heart attack of any of my girls had even ask me. I do recall getting some ” coded” messages when certain supplies were needed at certain times during the month. I bought the supples and dumped them but never told any of my girls what to do with them. Lol. I found out from a friend how to use tampons, Libby Jeffery, and remember a very painful walk home after I used my first tampon. I unwrapped it and used the entire thing….didn’t discard any part of it so………it hurt. I’m old school…..let the kids find out on their own!!! Lol
I learned so much from my friends. What’s scarier is that they learned from me too! Lol
Excellent article! Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. I must admit I cringe and start sweating when my kids ask sex questions…and they aren’t even that curious! Much appreciated.
Lol you are not alone ! I’m always sweating! Thanks for the comment. xo
Great post on a difficult topic, Whitney! I just found your blog and look forward to following it.
Yay! Thanks susan!