Category Archives: Caution: Children at play

He’s dead and I’m not over it.

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chinatown and pelican hill 008I’m in the second year of my husband’s death. I have had the memorial service. I have received all the condolences and prayers of the first year. I have his ashes in a box in his office. I have tattooed his handwriting on my wrist. I have answered the question “how are you” a million times. My kids have had grief counseling and I have read one million books to help with the grieving process.

Your life goes on and it should.

My life goes on and it should.

But what you need to know..is that I will never get over it. Every day at some point, something happens that makes me miss him.

Sometimes it’s that moment in the morning when I realize that the kids won’t ever see us embracing in front of the coffee machine again.  (Yes I said embrace! Just go with it!) I was always cognizant of that moment. We were showing the kids that no matter what happens in the day, we were a team. We showed affection. We showed a partnership. I was always proud of that hug in the kitchen. I knew the kids were watching.  I hope they remember it. That hug is important.

Sometimes that moment of missing comes when the boys are fighting and I am at my wits end. I want to hear his voice cutting through the air telling them to “shut it down.” They listen to him. Maybe because they are scared of the hand on the back of neck that grabs hold and guides them up to their rooms. lol My hand doesn’t have that power.

And of course….I miss him during math homework. That’s a given!!

I know when they learn to drive, when they go on their first date, when they graduate, get married, have a baby…..I will feel his absence.

And I am a lucky one.

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I was loved by him for almost 27 years.

My kids have many memories of him.

I believe he is around. I am aware of his signs. And yet I will still miss him.

You guys……his clothes are still in our closet. I know some people think that is weird. But I have shared a closet with him since I was 19 (don’t tell my mom.)  It’s comforting to me to sit in there surrounded by his trendy jeans and beat up shoes. He had an LA homeless kind of style. lol

Since I’m spilling secrets, I’ll go ahead and tell you that his sandals are still in the corner of his office as if at any minute he will slide into them to go out on his porch and sneak a smoke. I hated those sandals. And the secret smoking. And yet they bring me comfort now.

A year seems like a long time and yet a split second all at once. You know what I mean. Doesn’t high school seem like yesterday? Hate to tell you, but it was more than a year ago. (don’t ask me how much more…that’s rude!)

So when you ask me how I’m doing…I’m ok. But it’s different. There’s a heaviness in me that you may never notice. I don’t really want you to.  But I need you to know that I will never be over it.

You can always ask me about him.

I never want to stop saying his name. You won’t be reminding me of something I’d forgotten. You won’t be making me sad.

I am sad.

With great love comes great loss. 

But I choose to focus on the love. I choose to sit in gratitude. What an amazing gift I was given.

I know how to love greatly! And I know I will again! That is a gift.

Life is not supposed to be easy. We came from easy.

We will go back to easy.

Life is meant to teach us…and most of the lessons come from adversity.  I embrace the lessons but it doesn’t mean I get over the loss.

You know what I just realized? I don’t want to get over it. I never want to get over it.

I grow because of it.

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Thanks for listening. It helps.

xoxo

 

3 easy steps to handle the Kindergarten blues.

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Attention all moms of kindergartners. I’ve seen your posts. I’ve heard your cries. You’re having a tough time. Your sweet baby is off for 8 hours of reading and writing and ‘rithmetic. Now what? Don’t worry. I’m here to help. Listen to me, a seasoned mom of three, follow these 3 easy steps and find your way out of the Kinder blues.

1.Get moving.  The first step in breaking out of your kinder funk is to put on workout clothes. This sends a message. A message to yourself and others. The message is clear: You are a person with discipline. You are person that has her shit together. You are a go getter. It sets the tone for the whole day. Then move your body over to the couch, and start working on step #2.  The Daily Mail says thinking about moving is just as good as actually moving. Awesome!

My favorite exercise…

diddly squats

2. Get support. From 8am-3pm, you have a void that needs to be filled. You are not alone. Find your friends.  If this is your first child, going for coffee isn’t going to be enough. You need extra strength therapy. You need brunch. Brunch can start as early as 9am. Bloody Mary’s and mimosas will help fill the void.

Keep calm and have brunch!

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3. Get some rest. Step 3 is easy if you have already followed steps 1 and 2. You’ve strengthened your muscles by thinking about working out, you’ve broken bread (And opened wine) with your support group. The logical next step is a nap. Day drinking makes everyone tired, and now that your little one is at school, you finally have an opportunity to catch up on some z’s. You’ll wake up feeling refreshed and clear headed. Which is exactly how you want to be when navigating school pick up!

The dog daze of Kindergarten.

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So there you have it.

From sappy to happy in 3 easy steps.

You don’t have to be pulled down by the Kinder blues. All you have to do is take the first step. This schedule has helped many a mom break through and fill the void. Don’t waste anymore time feeling depressed. Find the strength and start with step 1. You’re going to get through this. You will be ok.  xoxo

It’s summer! Now what?(Plan B activities in Los Angeles)

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We’ve just begun our summer break and I am already googling, “Things to do with Kids in Los Angeles.” This is a search I make anytime I’m with the kids for more than 24 hours. I told myself I wasn’t going to overschedule them. I told myself I don’t need a bunch of overpriced summer camps to entertain my kids; they can figure it out themselves. But after several full days of online gaming and wine thirty starting earlier and earlier, I realize I may have a problem on my hands. So I’ve got to have a Plan B.

Lucky for you, my problem is your gain! Take a look at some of the Plan B’s. This is a list of the not so obvious things you can do around Los Angeles. Some I have done, some my friends have done, and some need to be done by someone soon. Feel free to add your own suggestions or reviews in the comments!

  • The Skyspace and Sky Slide in DTLA. This just opened! It’s got killer views of the city and a glass slide that takes you from the 70th to the 69th floor on the outside of the building! 1000 feet in the air! You read that right. Tips: Splurge for the VIP Sky Slide combo ticket so you bypass lines! Check it out!
  • LACMA Friday jazz nights! It’s free! Grab a blanket, a cooler, and let the kids run free. The museum is free after 5 for Los Angeles residents on this nights. Here’s the lineup. Fridays from April to November.
  • Surf lessons! Yes you can go to the beach and not surf, but why not shake it up a bit and hang ten with some rad instructors. (That is surf lingo.)  Most recently we went with Go Surf. 2 instructors for 3 kids. Other friends have suggested LA Surf and Swim,  MalibuMakos, and Santa Monica Surf School.

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  • IFly! Ever wanted to skydive but that whole falling out of an airplane thing scared you off? IFly has you covered. Skydiving experience without the worry of falling to your death. It’s located in Universal City Walk which is an event all on it’s own.
  • Museum of Death. I don’t like museums. And truth be told I’m a big scaredy cat, so this might not be good for me, but finding things to entertain the older kids can be difficult. If you think they can handle it, why not go check out death up close and personal? Museum of Death.
  • The Museum of Jurassic Technology. Speaking of museums, this is not one. It is, but it isn’t. I was told that it was actually something for a movie, but then someone else said it was an art installation, but then someone else said ….you get the picture. It’s intriguing and there’s a Russian tea room. Something to think about….or is it? Museum of Jurassic Technology.
  • Grand Central Market food booths. In Downtown LA there is a national caliber eating experience. With booths like EggSlut, Sticky Rice, and Horse Thief BBQ there is something for everyone!  It’s an adventure in eating!Market
  • Chinatown Summer Nights. Every 3rd Sunday of the summer months, Chinatown opens up to bring you food trucks, food and cultural demonstrations, and hands on activities. Some have been known to leave with a turtle or two. Click here to get the 411.
  • Watts Towers. Take a tour of the artwork and get a bit of history and cultural in South Central. Definitely take the guided tour.
  • Santa Monica Trapeze School. Everyone goes to the pier for the amusement park and beach. Why not do something different? Fly through the air with the greatest of ease.  I took my 16 year old nephew and even he had blast. I honestly recommend this for the whole family. It’s a blast. Make reservations, the classes fill up! catch me
  • Horseback Riding. One day a few summers ago, I asked my kids what they would like to do for the day….for some reason, horseback riding was the answer.  I took them to Griffith Park. There are two options for you. For little kids there are pony rides. It’s an enclosed pen and the horses will walk or trot. My kids loved it when they were little. Pony Rides.  For older riders you can take a guided trail ride with Griffith Park Horse Rentals. INFO AND RESERVATIONS:(818) 840-8401 Another option for horseback riding is Sunset Ranch.
  • Movie nights at Hollywood Forever Cemetery. I didn’t realize that there were kid friendly movie options here, but it seems they do offer some. You can bring a picnic and beer/wine. A DJ spins music before and after the movie!  Check out the lineup here.
  • Greystone Mansion. This is a place to come and “stroll.” You can pretend it’s your lavish estate and you are walking the grounds, sitting on benches and admiring the gardens and fountains. Kids have lots of space to run off their summer energy. If the walls of the mansion could talk, you’d hear a tale of wealth and murder, but for now, you can only peek in the windows. The mansion itself is closed unless you are attending a special event. Here is the current calendar of events. Guided tours are suspended for now, but are supposed to resume in December 2016.  Yay!
  • Escape Rooms! A great family bonding activity. You get locked in a room and have a limited amount of time to solve the clues, get the key and escape the room! A group of us did Trapped in a Room with a Zombie which was super fun, but not really best for kids. A few options for the younger crowd: 6 escape rooms for kids.

LOS ANGELES ADJACENT 😉

Here are a few options within 45-60 minutes outside of LA.

  • Royce’s Arcade Warehouse. You guys, they have free game day on Saturdays 10-3. This place rents and repairs old school video games and pinball machines. PacMan, Frogger, Donkey Kong! If it’s working and on the floor, it’s free! You do have to drive to Chatsworth, but who cares!? Check it out! 
  • Adventure Playground! This is in Huntington Beach, but man is it cool! Forget swing sets and slides, this place has do it yourself treehouses, wooden rafts, and a mudslide. A real outdoor play area for kids. Bring a change of clothes and shoes because your kids will get muddy! $3 entry fee for kids 16 and younger. adventure

 

  • Malibu Wine Safari. Yes a safari with wine! I want to do this with my girlfriends, but since we are talking about kid stuff, they have a Family Tour during the week that still involves wine but serves lemonade to the kids. Wine pairings and wild animals! what could go wrong! Here’s the info!
  • Paradise Cove Beach Cafe. This is a fun place to go have lunch in Malibu and then hang by the beach. They rent beach chairs, umbrellas etc and have tasty cocktails! If you really want to do it up, you can rent a beach terrace for the day! Paradise Cove.

WANT MORE IDEAS?

Check out these websites for current events and activities around Los Angeles.

We Like LA

Red Tricycle

 

Get your shit together, Whitney.

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6am this morning my 5th grader gets in bed with me.

Hi mom. I’m sad.

Why are you sad, baby?

I don’t like Mondays.

What’s wrong with Mondays?

School.

Ah yes. School. Are you stressed out?

Yes.

Feeling lost?

Yes.

And so it begins. The rest of the day I am feeling anxious and worried about how his day is going. He feels lost. I feel lost. He’s overwhelmed. I’m overwhelmed!

And then the shaming begins. I’m a terrible mom. I haven’t done my best keeping him organized. Following up with teachers. Forcing him to study on weekends so that he goes to school on Monday feeling prepared. Get your shit together, Whitney! Why haven’t you been more on top of this? How dare you let your child feel anxious or overwhelmed. And you broke up with his tutor!! Money shouldn’t play a factor. The kid needs help! And Lord knows you aren’t giving it to him.

The next round of thoughts go something like this: Whitney, get your shit together. It’s fucking 5th grade. It’s not the end of the world. Who cares if he feels overwhelmed once in awhile. That’s good for him. He needs to learn to cope with uncomfortable feelings. As a matter of fact, you need to learn to cope with uncomfortable feelings.

Truth be told, he has probably gone on to school and hasn’t given it another thought. I’m the one internalizing his words and creating scenarios where my kid’s life is ruined because I’m not on top of things.  I should probably get a job. I obviously have way too much time on my hands.

I really do need to get my shit together. This has consumed my whole morning. I’ve emailed tutors and googled “How to Handle 5th grade stress.” (PS- there were actual articles to read. Apparently I’m not the only one overreacting.) No one’s life is in danger. I barely remember 5th grade, so it’s obviously not a huge factor in the grand scheme of things. Someone once told me, “Little kids, little problems. Big kids, big problems. ”

I better pace myself.

I’m exhausted now.

Is it 5 o’clock yet?

The breakup

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We had been together since September.  We met through friends. He had an answer for all my problems. Even my kid liked him. That sealed the deal for me. We bonded quickly. I thought I could handle a long term relationship. I was wrong.

I became 2 dependent on him, you see. It wasn’t healthy. Once a week became twice a week. If I couldn’t see him, I would panic. I wanted more. But I couldn’t have more, mainly because he was 2 expensive.

Yes, he is a trained professional. Yes, he understands the common core math curriculum. But the weight of his fees were 2 much to bare.

Today I broke up with him. In an email.SATC-breakup-post-it

It was short but took me almost an hour to construct. I tried to explain that we had outgrown each other. Mainly he had outgrown my budget.  I gave him praise and promised I would keep in touch. We both know it doesn’t work that way.

I know it was wrong but I couldn’t do it face 2 face. I didn’t want see the pain in his eyes. The hurt in his face. The shock of getting such news out of the blue. I didn’t want to run the risk of being persuaded to give him 1 more chance. As we all know, sometimes 1 more just doesn’t add up.

If train A leaves the station at 3pm and a car is going 60 miles an hour, no one can get an equal number of strawberries. 

I will miss his brightly colored manipulatives.

If I broke your heart,  I’m sorry, math tutor. I’m so very sorry.

heartbreak-stories

 

The predictable New Year’s Eve post!

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I hate being predictable.

But inevitably, the last day of the year makes people want to share things.  They want to tell the world what they will carry into this new and untainted 2016.  They want to give uplifting advice on how to start the new year right.

It also makes people want to party.

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Dreams of ringing in the new year while having the time of your life! But it usually falls short. As Jennifer Lawrence so eloquently put it, every New Year’s Eve I just end up “drunk and disappointed.”

I had party plans, but then my party people bailed.

I’m fine with it.

This year, I won’t be fooled by the New Year’s Eve promises.

Now my plan is to ring in the new year with my husband and kids! Game night, pizza, and a ceremonious bonfire made up of our broken dreams and disappointments.What happened in 2015, stays in 2015.

aggie bonfire

Pizza and fire!  There’s no way this won’t be amazing!

This will become a new tradition! Ain’t no party like a family party!

This night will bond us together. A perfect example for my children that starting the new year as a harmonious family is always the better choice! We will ring in the new year with love and laughter and a renewed sense of life’s endless possibilities!

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Or I end up drunk and disappointed.

I’ll keep you posted. 😉

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Smells like Tween spirit

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I am the parent of a tween girl. I had heard the term tween before, but I didn’t truly understand the term until now. I thought it was just referring to the age. Nope.

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It’s mental.

It’s emotional.

It’s crazy.

One minute she is asking for lip gloss and rolling her eyes, the next she wants to snuggle with me and watch cartoons. (Don’t tell her I told you that.)

She holes up in her room most of the day, “doing Instagram.” but when her brothers get all geared up to play Clash of the Clans, she’s the Queen fighting for her kingdom! (Don’t tell her I told you that!)  She wants a purse AND more stuffed animals!

4th of the July at the lake, it was all about the sun bathing and the hair, but in the blink of an eye, she was jumping off the boat doing flips and having water fights. I want to do flips off the dock! But I don’t want to get my hair wet. Do you know how long it takes me to dry this mane straight? And it’s dangerous! What if I crack my head open? People can get paralyzed you know. Stupid adult rationale.  I want to tell her to be young. Maturity isn’t all its cracked up to be.

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It sure is a confusing time….for me. Yes me. That’s my baby and she wants to be a grown up. But then she doesn’t.  I know the feeling, honey. I don’t think anyone ever wants to be a true grown up.  That’s why I sometimes wear a Turkey Suit!

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My hair stays dry, and although somewhat dangerous,

 no one’s head is getting cracked.

So just like with every stage in my kids’ lives, I am trying to figure out how to help her.  How to guide her through the tween spirit. It’s a balancing act. Encouraging childlike qualities but expecting adult like behavior.

Actually the more I think about it, we are all tweens. Right? I am still trying to hang on to that childlike carefree attitude. I like hugs. I like lipgloss. Life is hard as an adult. You can get too serious. You forget how to play. You walk on the sidewalk instead of tightrope walking the curb.

I know how I’m going to handle it. This tween spirit.

I’m going to embrace it.

Whatever side my daughter is on. Lip gloss – check!  Crying for no reason- I’m there, girl. More stuffed animals- ummm. I may try to guide her in a different direction.

It’s actually not a balancing act. It’s about having both feet completely in that one moment.   Yep. That’s what I will do.

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Ain’t nobody got time for these crazy ass Birthday parties!

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So I have 3 kids. And their birthdays are fairly close to each other and to Christmas. To say I’m tired of planning parties by January is an understatement. Sadly my 3rd kid is the January birthday. So not only does he have to deal with the 3rd kid syndrome, he also has to deal with the 3rd birthday syndrome. Sucks for him.

first bday jpeg

Anyhoo, do you remember how birthday parties used to be? You’d invite kids from the neighborhood to your party at your house. The kids walked there, in a nice party dress, ate cake and ice cream, you opened your presents, and the party ended.  You were lucky to get pin the tail on the donkey or a clown. Oh have things have changed.

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The Venue: Forget having it at your house. First of all- it’s not big enough. Unless you are one of the reality show housewives. My kids’ school tries to enforce an all inclusive birthday party. Which I totally understand on some level. No one should have their feelings hurt. But at some point, we need to prepare these kids for real life. Not everyone is invited to everything. I’m not saying rub their noses in it or exclude one child and invite all the others, but a party for 10 is a whole hell of a lot cheaper than a party for 20-30.  Even if you only have 10, you need a venue. If you even think about having it at your house, you better make damn sure the entertainment makes it worth it. Hire a petting zoo or go carts or both!

The Food: You still serve cake but you also must have at least 4 other food options. Make sure they are free of preservatives, gluten, and taste great! These kids may have just eaten but they expect food. Cake is not enough. Even though they just had lunch. Even though the party only lasts 2 hours. We bring snacks to games that only last an hour. What do you expect?

Remember when cakes used to be baked by your mom at home? Just a cake with candles. No writing, no $10 plastic character on top. Just the cake. With icing. And candles. And because it was homemade it usually looked somewhat inappropriate. Or maybe that’s just me.

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The Presents:Opening gifts in front of guests is a huge no no now. It would be insensitive to open presents because no one else is getting presents. WTH? It’s my kid’s BIRTH day! That person should get presents! Every kid should experience the joy of opening presents in front of a group of people who aren’t getting any. And every kid should also experience the anxiety of having the gift you brought judged by all the other kids. 😉 Besides, it eats up at least 30 minutes if not more of the party. Then you don’t need a magician! Score!

The Goody Bags: Food and entertainment isn’t enough. They need to leave with a goody bag!   Because if the birthday boy is getting a gift, by God, every other kid should get one too! “Goody bag” is somewhat of a misnomer, isn’t it? By the time I start thinking about goody bags, I’m done. A quick trip to the 99 cent store or the $1 bins at Target and viola! Throw in some left over Halloween candy if you are feeling extra generous.  Let’s face it, everything in the goody bag gets thrown away as soon as the kid gets home…or lost. Why are we doing it????

I guess this has become kind of a “back in my day” post, but seriously! Back in my day, we didn’t need fancy theme parties! We were happy to have all our friends together for some cake and presents!  Let’s take back the birthday party! Stand up to the peer pressure of making it “the event of the season!”

Whose with me?

“Your breath smells like diarrhea!” and other helpful information.

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“Your breath smells like diarrhea, Mom.”

I was taken aback because I had actually just brushed my teeth.

“Does it smell like diarrhea or like coffee?”

“Like diarrhea flavored coffee.”coffee-wink

I don’t think I’ve ever written the word diarrhea this many times.  I still don’t spell it correctly on the first try. Ok then.

“Thanks for telling me, buddy. I will try to correct the situation.”

(I also used it as a teachable moment because I’m a great parent!)

“You know, sometimes, if you only brush your teeth and not your tongue, your breath can still smell.“

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*Blank stare.

Sometimes, my words of wisdom take awhile to sink in. I’m sure he will thank me for this later.

Kids.

They say the darndest things. Like:

“Mom, you aren’t 25 anymore.”

and

“Mom, are you sure you aren’t pregnant?

Because that dress says you are.”

But I have to say, this is also one reason why I was excited to have some. How many times have I tried to smell my own breath, or desperately wanted to check my nose or teeth for indiscretions, but was unable to get to a mirror? (One time is too many.)

I could ask my spouse, but then that last bit of mystery is gone. I’ve been married 20 years this summer, and I can proudly say he has never seen me sitting on the toilet. I hate even writing that word. We say potty. Anyway, that’s another post.

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I may or may not be sitting on the potty in this photo. 😉

Kids are another story! I can ask my kids (or more often, be told by them without even asking!) and there is no judgement. They tell it like it is and still think I’m pretty. 😉  Except when I wear that one “pregnant dress”…which is now in the trash!

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So if you have children, and they aren’t as forthcoming as mine….now you know they can come in handy in certain situations! Start utilizing them! (And always brush your tongue.)

Christmas break…winter break….psychotic break.

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Whatever you want to call it, it’s happening right now. The kids are home for the holidaze. 2 weeks of freedom. I’m not a big planner. I don’t plan my grocery store trips much less what to do with kids when they are out of school in the winter time. Actually I take that back.

I had ideas.

I thought about the indoor rock climbing place and going to the pop up ice skating rink. It crossed my mind to take the kids to visit a museum or two. Make some Christmas cookies and drink hot chocolate. But then I didn’t feel like it. You see, I want a break too. I’m so happy to not have to think about both breakfast and lunch before 7am every week day. And skipping the rush to get everyone dressed, fed, organized etc before school. And the homework. Argh that stupid homework. So yeah, I thought about entertaining the kids, but then I realized I just want to sit in sweat pants and watch movies in the middle of the day. And not kid movies. I want some adult entertainment. Well , not ADULT entertainment…just non animated things, maybe even a documentary or two. OK no that’s not true. I don’t like documentaries unless it’s those VH1 Behind the Music ones. Those were great. I wonder if they still make those. Maybe I’ll check it out later.

Anyway, my point is that I want a break. At my house. In my house. From my house routines.

So this time, I decided to go with that. ~No, I’m not taking you to the mall the day before Christmas so you can spend the money your grandad just sent you. (So they are saving it.) ~No, I’m not going to use this time to do a big clean out. (My husband is forcing the kids to do it.) ~No I’m not going to fight with you about your dinner. Have cereal if you want. (They did.) Because I’m on a break. A break from all those mommy things I do most of the time. Don’t bathe if you don’t want to. I’m not. Yes this is a glass of wine. It’s cold out and I’m watching Love Actually. What do you think I should be drinking? 10441202_10152947038079521_2470934416130239660_n

me and my sweat pants

It’s going fairly well.  I have managed to stay in pajamas or sweat pants for most of the break and have watched all the episodes of the Starz show The Missing. Definitely not a kid show. No one has starved or been injured more than usual. I’ve taken naps! I’ve never been a napper but this year I made it a goal. I reached it. Usually the day after Christmas I have the tree down and all the decorations are boxed up. But not this year. The tree is still up and I’m not sure when it’s coming down. That’s just a huge mess of pine needles I have to deal with after pushing it out the door. image

Who says we can’t enjoy this all through January?

I haven’t planned much for my kids except for playdates. But those have been instigated by others. Not me. So yeah, it’s going pretty well.

Except for the guilt.

Don’t worry, I don’t act on the guilt. I just sit with it. Just me and my guilt watching tv. Me and my guilt enjoying a glass of wine. Me and my guilt napping. It’s so stupid really. Why shouldn’t I take a break? Is anyone going to die because I still have my tree up? Are my children going to be scarred because they didn’t go ice skating? Is it really a problem that we have no milk or toilet paper? OK yes, that last one may be a problem, but my husband was kind enough to handle the grocery store for me. Score! So I have a few days left where I can choose to not do anything. My kids are old enough to figure out what they can eat for breakfast and lunch.  And my husband is kind enough not to make comments about my “relaxed” appearance. image

A multitude of choices for breakfast and lunch 😉

Maybe someday I will figure out how to do this guilt free, but I guess that comes with practice. 😉 I’ll keep practicing for the next few days. In my sweat pants. I hope all of you out there are practicing taking a break as well.  After all we have a lot we will have to do in 2015 so we need to rest up. Cheers! Golden 2015 Happy New Year Greeting Card With Sparking Spot Ligh