Monthly Archives: February 2014

Oh shit. Another Valentine’s Day post.

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V Day EDIT

There are so many posts about Valentine’s Day today. Most are very black and white. HOW TO HAVE THE MOST AH~MAZING VALENTINE’S DAY WITH THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE…or

F@#k you, Valentine’s Day.

Some of them talk about how you need to love yourself on Valentine’s Day….not in a sexual way, wait, actually I’m not sure. Maybe it is.

As a mom of 3 in elementary school, romance is not my first thought. Instead, I think- crap. I have to buy chocolates and more stuffed animals or support ipad habits with gift cards or new games.  I have to get cards for the class, and they need to be unique and funny.  Some of my friends actually make class Valentine’s cards with witty little phrases on them…or homemade treats if you can believe it! I know. Bitches.

marshmellow lollipop edit

This year I did order some cards online. They were Valentine Madlibs. I was pretty proud of myself. But no candy. There wasn’t a spot for it and it’s a big enough battle to get my kids’ to write their own damn names on the cards, much less tape some candy to it! This has gotten me many disapproving looks from friends. Ironically my kids didn’t say one thing about not having any candy for their friends.  I saw kids walking into school this morning with flowers, ribbons, fancy teacher gifts. Shit. I forgot about the teachers.

I did not forget about my husband. I got him a card and a box of chocolates. forrest-gump1

But the morning was hectic and we didn’t have any kind of a “moment.” I would love an ah~mazing Valentine’s Day…with romance and sexy bed hair. But honestly…I’m tired.

What about you?

Pretty Little Liars

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I was awoken one recent Saturday morning by a 7 year old boy in tiny underwear.  “Mom,  I have an upset tummy. I saved it for you if you want to see.”  Not on the weekend buddy. Never on a weekend.

You may be asking “What the hell? Gross.” Let me explain. My kids lie. They lie to get out of going to school. They lie to get out of trouble. They lie for fun.  It’s a problem. So much so that I must have a “visual” if anyone is claiming to be sick.

Ferris Bueller's fake out

It’s been a problem since the kids were very young. When my daughter was 3, she bit herself and then blamed her 1 year old brother.  When my son was 5, he carved his name in my husband’s leather chair and said he didn’t. Hey, I said they were good liars, not geniuses.

hayden chair

The lies can be creative, detailed and unneccesary: “I brought a pet Lizard back from Mexico. I hid him in my backpack on the plane. His name is Fred and he likes to roam the house free.”

Or conniving: “Mom, I just found some extra Christmas money! (It’s July) So I’m going to buy some apps. It’s my money, so it’s my choice.”

Is this a phase? Am I kidding myself thinking they will grow out of this? Does a phase last 3,4,6 years?   Will my kids become con artists?  A dirty rotten scoundrel?  Either boy could play a great Ruprecht.

dirty rotten scoundrel

Time will tell. I guess for now, I will  insist on “visuals” when sick, require 2 forms of proof when hearing any story and ask very specific questions regarding showers: Did you wash your hair? Your armpits? Did actual soap touch your skin?

Maybe they will channel all that creativity into something profitable…and honest. In the words of Justin Bieber…(yes I see the irony) NEVER SAY NEVER.

never say never

Who else has pretty little liars?

Please tell me I’m not the only one!