Protect the children from balls…and similar safety messages.

So a middle school in New York has banned all balls from the playground and say tag and cartwheels must be supervised by a coach. It’s just too dangerous. All I can say is it’s about damn time!!  Finally someone has identified the dangers of  ball play. I mean, did we learn nothing from Marsha Brady?

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And that was in the comfort of her own backyard! Who knows what could happen if groups of children in large grassy areas are left alone with balls!  I pray that other schools follow suite.

As for cartwheels, of course helmets are a good idea. Don’t be stupid.

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All children under the age of 18 should be required to wear a helmet everywhere. There are too many things that could cause damage. Wrap those kids up in bubble wrap every time they leave the house. It is the safe thing to do! Be responsible parents!

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Seriously, we need to keep an eye on our children at all times, arm them with protective gear (literally not figuratively, of course) in every situation. For God’s sake, do not let them do things for themselves. At least until they are 18 and go away to college. And by “go away” I mean, move to the basement and take classes at the local community college. I’m sure they can take classes in things like :

Street Smarts ~ Indigestion or Instinct?  ~  How to handle yourself without your helmet~  I’m ok, you’re ok (even if we don’t get a trophy) 

Our parents were idiots. We had too much freedom. Too much independence. Too many real life experiences that led to making choices and trusting our instincts.   I mean, I rode my bike to school! I played in the neighborhood with friends and no parent supervision! Cartwheels WITHOUT HELMETS!!! I am lucky to be alive. And so are you. And you. And you. And you.

It’s time parents understood that it is our job to overparent…I mean, protect our children from everything we possibly can.

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Self esteem, instincts, independence……they can get that later, when we’re dead.

I mean, what’s the alternative? Let children learn things through living? Teach them how to be aware and make good choices? Not on my watch, no sir!

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You’re gonna catch me Ridin’ Dirty….

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Literally. 

 My house is messy, but my car looks like a crazy person lives in it.  Why does this surprise me? It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that if you are transporting kids, dogs, neighbors, neighbors’ kids, sports equipment etc, then things are gonna get dirrrr~tay.

imagelego pieces, books, bits of food…is that a pair of underwear?

The bigger question is why the hell does it bother me so much? I tried to change my dirty ways.

I made declarations!

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I put my foot down!

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But nothing changed. That’s when I realized I’m going about this all wrong!

Cue positive spin:

Food keeps mouths and hands busy and off of others. Legos and other toys keep their brains engaged so I don’t have to hear, “How much longer, Mommy?”  Time is limited and I already wash 3 kids and 2 dogs.  You can see where I’m going with this can’t you?

Ridin’ Dirty is the key to happiness!

Maybe you are thinking, give me a break. How hard is it to get to the car wash? Or bring a hand vacuum out to the car? It’s hard, damnit! You might be one of those people who also gets their nails done every week. Oh, I want to be like you! I wish I could be perfectly manicured, hair coiffed (do people still get coiffed?), car washed every Saturday.  But I’m not. I’m the other guy. The one that looks like this:

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So I am going to stop stressing about it. I will embrace my mess and call it enlightenment!

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Life is messy! Time is short and I want to have coffee with friends instead of coffee at the car wash!  When I look down and see that lego figure lying on top of a few crumbled goldfish, I’m going to have a new perspective…..I’m totally down with ridin’ dirty. Now I just need to work on a spin for not doing laundry! 😉

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“They see me rollin’, They hatin’,
Patrolling~ they tryin to catch me ridin’ dirty,
Tryin to catch me ridin’ dirty,
Tryin to catch me ridin’ dirty!”

Can you embrace the mess?