6am this morning my 5th grader gets in bed with me.
Hi mom. I’m sad.
Why are you sad, baby?
I don’t like Mondays.
What’s wrong with Mondays?
Ah yes. School. Are you stressed out?
And so it begins. The rest of the day I am feeling anxious and worried about how his day is going. He feels lost. I feel lost. He’s overwhelmed. I’m overwhelmed!
And then the shaming begins. I’m a terrible mom. I haven’t done my best keeping him organized. Following up with teachers. Forcing him to study on weekends so that he goes to school on Monday feeling prepared. Get your shit together, Whitney! Why haven’t you been more on top of this? How dare you let your child feel anxious or overwhelmed. And you broke up with his tutor!! Money shouldn’t play a factor. The kid needs help! And Lord knows you aren’t giving it to him.
The next round of thoughts go something like this: Whitney, get your shit together. It’s fucking 5th grade. It’s not the end of the world. Who cares if he feels overwhelmed once in awhile. That’s good for him. He needs to learn to cope with uncomfortable feelings. As a matter of fact, you need to learn to cope with uncomfortable feelings.
Truth be told, he has probably gone on to school and hasn’t given it another thought. I’m the one internalizing his words and creating scenarios where my kid’s life is ruined because I’m not on top of things. I should probably get a job. I obviously have way too much time on my hands.
I really do need to get my shit together. This has consumed my whole morning. I’ve emailed tutors and googled “How to Handle 5th grade stress.” (PS- there were actual articles to read. Apparently I’m not the only one overreacting.) No one’s life is in danger. I barely remember 5th grade, so it’s obviously not a huge factor in the grand scheme of things. Someone once told me, “Little kids, little problems. Big kids, big problems. ”
I better pace myself.
I’m exhausted now.
Is it 5 o’clock yet?
Don’t beat yourself up! You’re an amazing mom! You care, and you love him, and that’s what matters most. 22 days left of 5th grade! He’s so smart and he’s going to be fine. xoxo
Time will tell. 😉
Did I tell you “little kids, little problems… Big kids. Big problems?” I say it all the time. If it makes you feel any better, my fifth grader didn’t go to school today. Appearantly sick but…. I question of it was not a “mental health” day. He is not alone and neither are you!! 😍
My handyman told me back when my kids were in diapers. I had no idea what he was talking about. I’m finally starting to get it. lol
You suffer from a hereditary disease called “fixation”. It’s when someone wants life to run smoothly at all times with no bumps in the road. It’s physical…..you literally can not handle life’s little problems without trying to fix anything and everything related to the broken piece. Guess what….I’ve had the disease all my life and it gets worse with age. I’ll fx a complete strangers problem cause I know best. I truly believe we are raising a bunch of weinies. Stop what you are doing and realize kids have to feel uncomfortable and if you take that away from them they will never be able to cope. Your kids have an amazing life filled with amazing experiences. School is school. It’s not suppose to be fun. It’s a means to an end. Leave him alone. Stop reacting to his Monday blues. He will be anxious in spite of you cause it’s in his DNA. Sorry you’re sad but suck it up and let’s go. That will be doing him a big favor in life. Buckle down, suck it up, stop whining and get ready. The more you react with ” oh poor baby” the more unable to cope he’ll be. Life’s not all fun. Nothing in life is free so he needs to get his shit together. You’re a great mom.
lol if you would only take your own advice! xoxo