“Your breath smells like diarrhea!” and other helpful information.

“Your breath smells like diarrhea, Mom.”

I was taken aback because I had actually just brushed my teeth.

“Does it smell like diarrhea or like coffee?”

“Like diarrhea flavored coffee.”coffee-wink

I don’t think I’ve ever written the word diarrhea this many times. ¬†I still don’t spell it correctly on the first try. Ok then.

“Thanks for telling me, buddy. I will try to correct the situation.”

(I also used it as a teachable moment because I’m a great parent!)

“You know, sometimes, if you only brush your teeth and not your tongue, your breath can still smell.


*Blank stare.

Sometimes, my words of wisdom take awhile to sink in. I’m sure he will thank me for this later.


They say the darndest things. Like:

“Mom, you aren’t 25 anymore.”


“Mom, are you sure you aren’t pregnant?

Because that dress says you are.”

But I have to say, this is also one reason why I was excited to have some. How many times have I tried to smell my own breath, or desperately wanted to check my nose or teeth for indiscretions, but was unable to get to a mirror? (One time is too many.)

I could ask my spouse, but then that last bit of mystery is gone. I’ve been married 20 years this summer, and I can proudly say he has never seen me sitting on the toilet. I hate even writing that word. We say potty. Anyway, that’s another post.


I may or may not be sitting on the potty in this photo. ūüėČ

Kids are another story! I can ask my kids (or more often, be told by them without even asking!) and there is no judgement. They tell it like it is and still think I’m pretty. ūüėČ ¬†Except when I wear that one “pregnant dress”‚Ķwhich is now in the trash!


So if you have children, and they aren’t as forthcoming as mine‚Ķ.now you know they can come in handy in certain situations! Start utilizing them! (And always brush your tongue.)

There’s an elephant in the room and she has swollen lips….


Here’s a confession that is hard to admit:

I had work done.

I admit it. I’ll also admit that it’s taking everything I have not to type a million little disclaimers like “I don’t do it¬†regularly” and “it’s only because my friend gives me a discount”…blah blah blah. ¬†Why is it that those of us who get a little “freshen up” seem to feel like we have to hide it? For me, I think I feel like by admitting that, it takes away any credit for “natural beauty” I may have. But who is taking away that credit? Probably other women. Other women also getting work done. ūüėČ

I got some botox and filler put in my face/lips two days ago. No one would ever know about the botox, but due to the filler, my lips swelled up to the size of Mushmouth from Fat Albert. I could barely talk.

This morning¬†I had traffic duty for my kids’ school. Trying not to talk, for me, is already an almost impossible feat….throw in the¬†intoxication of authority¬†(Traffic Duty,) and I’m a¬†goner. I had actually made it through the entire carpool process with barely a face to face interaction…and then 2 moms had questions. For me! What’s crazy is that these are two moms I am friends with. We’ve shared wine together and¬†war stories of parenthood.¬†I know that at least one of them also gets work done.¬†At least one of them also does that Brazilian hair straightening thing.¬†And yet, I¬†admitted nothing.¬† Nothing when¬†every word I said regardless of how it was spelled, seemed to start with¬†the letter¬†B.¬†Nothing when their eyes dropped to my lips multiple times.¬†¬†The¬†entire¬†time, my head is screaming:

“For the love of God, just say something! Just get it out there! They see it! This elephant cannot be hidden!”

I didn’t though.¬†¬†Instead I never looked them in the eye and tried to keep my head to one side as if only seeing half of my face would somehow hide the truth.


I walked away from that encounter with a need to scream it from the roof tops. I HAD WORK DONE! (of course everyone already knows. I’m not fooling anyone when my lips get to the destination a good 2 minutes before the rest of me.)¬† That’s why I wanted to shout it. It’s no big deal!

Don’t worry. The swelling will go down. It’s already starting to, see?


And in two more days no one will even notice that I did anything at all. Except for the fact that I am writing about it here.¬†But when the swelling goes down, I hope the lesson I’ve learned will remain. What’s the lesson?

Don’t have traffic duty the day after you have work done.

No, that’s not right. The lesson is:

Don’t feel shame for doing things that make you feel better about yourself.

And definitely¬†don’t ignore the massive swollen elephant in the room because you aren’t actually “saving face.”¬† Embrace it.

Disclaimer: I am not consistent with my botox etc. I only get the filler to decrease mouth lines. My good friend gives me a discount. I still have natural beauty. I’m not that old.

Disclaimer #2: The first disclaimer shouldn’t even matter. And yet I still want to have it in here. Damn.

Honk if you love: GlossyBox


No this is not a term with hidden meaning. This is a box that thinks outside the box. A cute little package with 5 products that keeps you satisfied every month!  Sometimes I run across something that is too good to keep to myself. Maybe it saves time, makes me look cool, or keeps me feeling young! GlossyBox does all these things.

I heard about this from my bestie over at #luxurytravelmom. You can check out her travel website here:  http://www.luxurytravelmom.com/ Her GlossyBox travels well. I like to share my GlossyBox with others.  (You still remember that we are talking about an actual box here, right?)

Thoughtful, in vogue gifts can be hard to come by.  I can barely find time for a shower much less find time to research the latest beauty du jour!  Not to mention many of those trends are super pricey! So if you have a Kevin Hart bank account, (you know, where you have a checking and a savings, but all the money is in your savings) GlossyBox is perfect for you!


It’s thoughtful! And the price is right! ¬†A gorgeous box with the latest and greatest in beauty products!¬† They do all the work and you get all the credit.¬† Send it to yourself or send to a friend. 1 month, 3 months, 6 months! It’s the gift that keeps on giving!

Now you can thank me for proving that good things really do come in small packages! http://www.glossybox.com/

Disclosure:¬†I took care of my own GlossyBox. It¬†was not sponsored.¬†They didn’t even know I was going to write about them.¬† But of course I’m open to it now…if even just¬†the tip. ūüėȬ†