I Can’t Rage Against the Machine

Posted on November 29, 2013 by Whitney

As I sit here on day 5 of a 7 day school break, I start to ask myself certain questions. Like- Is it wrong to drink before noon if you’ve been cooped up with kids for 5 days? Am I a bad mom if I stop fighting the electronic obsession that all 3 of my kids have? How many days can the kids go without bathing before it is considered neglect? So many questions. But let’s get back to the electronics one. Seriously. Obsession does not even come close to the right word. Addiction.

My kid starts jonesing as soon as his eyes open. I can find him under his sheets pretty much every morning mesmerized by the creative world he has built in Minecraft.

All three of my kids are Animal Jam junkies, but it’s National Geographic so it’s ok, right? Remember when the kids were babies and you would put them in front of Baby Einstein videos and think- this is good because it’s educational. Then you’d read all the backlash of how it causes ADD or some shit like that? I just wanted to take a shower and now I’ve given my kid ADD. Cue the mom guilt.

But seriously- was it that bad? Are there redeeming qualities to playing these games? My kids are interacting with each other (“Meet me at Mount Shiver…Hey check out my den.”) It’s more than parallel play. They are creating things. Minecraft is a game about survival. You have to make shelter, find food, kill zombies (of course.) They talk about it constantly. Strategizing and sharing.

“The War Room”

I can remember being obsessed with Super Mario Bros on Nintendo. The old school shit, yo. I’d skip my last class (study hall~ that explains a few things) to run home and play Zelda too.

In 4th-7th grade I’d spend my weekends at the skating rink and work for the high score on Frogger AND Donkey Kong AND Ms. Pacman. (Am I dating myself here? Damn.) PS- I lived in a small town in Mississippi- the skating rink and neighboring video/hamburger joint was the social scene. Don’t judge me.

My kids get plenty of exercise. They have outside interests. They are social. I’m sure there is a ton of research on all of this, but let’s be honest; I’m not going to go look for it. Ain’t nobody got time for research unless it is posted on Facebook. I did find this though.

“research”

I try to limit my kids’ electronics. Lord knows it is my go to disciplinary action. And on long Thanksgiving breaks when little people are under foot 24/7…it is a nice way to get some peace and quiet. Until of course they are screaming at each other “You stole my food! You killed me on purpose. Nobody is coming to my den!” Then it’s time to shut it down and kick them outside- even if it’s raining.

Until then though, I’ll believe that all this addiction to technology and electronics can have some positive impact. I’ll enjoy this time and text some people, update my Facebook, and send out some tweets. 😉

mom guilt

Posted on November 12, 2013 by Whitney

I yelled at my kids right before dropping them at school. I forgot to send them with jackets. I bought lunchables instead of making nutritious all organic lunches. I said “because I said so” instead of taking the time to explain my reasoning for saying no to yet another sleep over. I didn’t stay long enough at the skate park. I didn’t take them to the skate park. I said the skate park was closed.

Mom guilt.

It starts early. You let your baby cry in her bed while you finally take a shower after a 10 day hiatus. You called him a fat ass when he wouldn’t stop crying in the middle of the night. (Only to your husband who didn’t even hear it because he slept through the crying, but you still feel awful.) You fed her store bought baby food instead of mashing up organic avocados and bananas. Mom guilt!

It sucks.

Every mom I know suffers from some sort of mom guilt. We have been conditioned to think that every single thing we do or don’t do can impact our child’s very soul. I stressed because I didn’t carve pumpkins this year, and I definitely didn’t roast any damn pumpkin seeds. I don’t bake or cook really. I don’t enjoy the park. I hate reading with my kids.

Shit. My kids are screwed. (and while I’m confessing…I didn’t breastfeed. Oh shit. Double D screwed!!)

Except that I do other things. Maybe it’s not the traditional way of bonding, but dance parties, and super awesome indoor tents are something, right? You have to know who you are and be that person. I don’t use the oven much but I’m not stingy when it comes to hugs and kisses and praise. I can create an impromptu musical with my kids about homework. “Every day this week, we try to geeeeet our work done. Geeeet our work done….” Chorus line…Anyone?Anyone?

I heard a great Ted talk the other day from Brene Brown and she said:

” Our job as parents is to make our children feel worthy of love and belonging.”

Did you read that? It did not say our job as parents is to sit on the floor playing hours of barbies/legos/petshop. It did not say it is our job as parents to take them to all three Chipmunk movies the day they open. Good parenting doesn’t mean baking from scratch! And Lunchables were never mentioned!

I actually googled Brene Brown after watching this. Apparently she is a big wig in the self help community. I’m surprised I didn’t know her sooner since that’s where you will find me in any bookstore. She has a great book: The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting. I haven’t read it but I did read the synopsis. Hey, that counts. Plus, did you read the title? Hello!Basically she says we have to embrace our imperfections. It shows our kids that it’s ok. We need to be who we really are. For me that means, I’m not a baker, a butcher or a candlestick maker. It’s exhausting to keep up the charade anyway. I am pretty sure I’m not fooling anyone. It’s ok that I don’t bake cookies from scratch! It’s ok if I give a little processed meat. It’s ok if I don’t want to hear my daughter sing “Rolling in the Deep” for the one millionth time.

We all have our own ways of making our children feel worthy of love and belonging. It doesn’t have to be the same for everyone. And it will never be perfect. Stop feeling guilty. In the words of Barbara Streisand and Barry Gibb: You’ve got nothing to be guilty of….”

Protect the children from balls…and similar safety messages.

Posted on October 13, 2013 by Whitney

So a middle school in New York has banned all balls from the playground and say tag and cartwheels must be supervised by a coach. It’s just too dangerous. All I can say is it’s about damn time!! Finally someone has identified the dangers of ball play. I mean, did we learn nothing from Marsha Brady?

And that was in the comfort of her own backyard! Who knows what could happen if groups of children in large grassy areas are left alone with balls! I pray that other schools follow suite.

As for cartwheels, of course helmets are a good idea. Don’t be stupid.

All children under the age of 18 should be required to wear a helmet everywhere. There are too many things that could cause damage. Wrap those kids up in bubble wrap every time they leave the house. It is the safe thing to do! Be responsible parents!

Seriously, we need to keep an eye on our children at all times, arm them with protective gear (literally not figuratively, of course) in every situation. For God’s sake, do not let them do things for themselves. At least until they are 18 and go away to college. And by “go away” I mean, move to the basement and take classes at the local community college. I’m sure they can take classes in things like :

Street Smarts ~ Indigestion or Instinct? ~ How to handle yourself without your helmet~ I’m ok, you’re ok (even if we don’t get a trophy)

Our parents were idiots. We had too much freedom. Too much independence. Too many real life experiences that led to making choices and trusting our instincts. I mean, I rode my bike to school! I played in the neighborhood with friends and no parent supervision! Cartwheels WITHOUT HELMETS!!! I am lucky to be alive. And so are you. And you. And you. And you.

It’s time parents understood that it is our job to overparent…I mean, protect our children from everything we possibly can.

Self esteem, instincts, independence……they can get that later, when we’re dead.

I mean, what’s the alternative? Let children learn things through living? Teach them how to be aware and make good choices? Not on my watch, no sir!

You’re gonna catch me Ridin’ Dirty….

Posted on October 3, 2013 by Whitney

Literally.

My house is messy, but my car looks like a crazy person lives in it. Why does this surprise me? It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that if you are transporting kids, dogs, neighbors, neighbors’ kids, sports equipment etc, then things are gonna get dirrrr~tay.

lego pieces, books, bits of food…is that a pair of underwear?

The bigger question is why the hell does it bother me so much? I tried to change my dirty ways.

I made declarations!

I put my foot down!

But nothing changed. That’s when I realized I’m going about this all wrong!

Cue positive spin:

Food keeps mouths and hands busy and off of others. Legos and other toys keep their brains engaged so I don’t have to hear, “How much longer, Mommy?” Time is limited and I already wash 3 kids and 2 dogs. You can see where I’m going with this can’t you?

Ridin’ Dirty is the key to happiness!

Maybe you are thinking, give me a break. How hard is it to get to the car wash? Or bring a hand vacuum out to the car? It’s hard, damnit! You might be one of those people who also gets their nails done every week. Oh, I want to be like you! I wish I could be perfectly manicured, hair coiffed (do people still get coiffed?), car washed every Saturday. But I’m not. I’m the other guy. The one that looks like this:

So I am going to stop stressing about it. I will embrace my mess and call it enlightenment!

Life is messy! Time is short and I want to have coffee with friends instead of coffee at the car wash! When I look down and see that lego figure lying on top of a few crumbled goldfish, I’m going to have a new perspective…..I’m totally down with ridin’ dirty. Now I just need to work on a spin for not doing laundry! 😉

“They see me rollin’, They hatin’,
Patrolling~ they tryin to catch me ridin’ dirty,
Tryin to catch me ridin’ dirty,
Tryin to catch me ridin’ dirty!”

Can you embrace the mess?

A lesson from Young MC

Posted on August 19, 2013 by Whitney

You know him right? The one hit wonder rapper from 1989~ish.

His voice is haunting me.

(Yes I know what the song is about, but don’t you take lyrics and apply them to your life all the time? You do. Don’t you?) So here’s the deal:

My kids are creative. They are imaginative. They are exhausting.

If I said yes to half the things my kids asked me to do, we’d never sit down. So I say no and leave the room. And then the words of the prolyphic Young MC come to mind…

Just Bust A Move, Whitney.

“From frustration first inclination is to become a monk and leave the situation.”

Damn straight I want to leave the situation. Hey MC, you are young and don’t have kids. I’m tired and their ideas are elaborate or loud or messy or include me or (gasp) all of the above! I don’t want to bust a move. So of course the kids “get shot down cause <their> overzealous.”

“A girl runs up with somethin to prove, So don’t just stand there, bust a move”

Shut up, MC! I’m trying to read my Facebook newsfeed. Ain’t nobody got time for a bake sale. But he won’t shut up, it’s like an earworm. Come on Whitney, just bust a move. Ugh. Damn. I think of the experience they will get from the yes. I don’t do it all the time but I do try to say maybe instead of no…that gives me some time to think about it.

“You run over there without a second to lose, And what comes next, hey bust a move.”

So the no becomes a maybe…. that many times turns into a yes. My laziness shouldn’t be the reason to not do something. Besides, I gotta get Young MC off my back.

Mom, may we have a car party? Yes! Let’s bust a move!

Mom, may we have ice cream for lunch?Yes! Let’s bust a move!

Can we make an obstacle course in the garage? Yes! Let’s bust a move!

Can we get our pets and our friends and their pets and have a pet parade through the neighborhood? Umm no. What? I’m not Mother Teresa.

So my friends…..

Now you know what to do, go, bust a move!

Don’t say no too quickly. Say maybe. (Unless they ask for a pet parade and then it is totally acceptable to say no.) A maybe that possibly turns into a yes. Because when I think back, the yes made a pretty good memory. xoxoxo

Young MC not doing it for you? Allow Brian Williams to inspire you.

http://youtu.be/vwc9_nqX6Zc

Help! I’m trapped in a minivan!

Posted on August 5, 2013 by Whitney

And I mean literally. Those sliding doors! While borrowing my friend’s minivan for the week, I realized that there is an art to opening those things. I never mastered it. It took me a good 5 minutes of pushing buttons and lots of screaming before my children were released from their backseat prison.

But really what did I expect? The car has the word “van” in the title. Generally speaking, if there is a van involved, an escape plan should be devised.

(Exhibit A)

I don’t quite “get” the minivan. If I’m going to spend most of my day in something, I want to look good in it! Let’s face it, the minivan does not scream style. Ok, maybe the minivan delivers more room than my SUV, but not by much. Besides, I don’t really want to be the car that can fit 5 kids and 5 bikes in the back. Not having space is actually an easy way to get out of more carpool duties!

Bottom line: Many things in my life scream “MOM”……

(Exhibit B)

I’d rather not have my car scream it too. Especially when all my little mom indicators have been dropped off somewhere and I’m wearing lipstick!

So I’ll go back to my SUV with the doors I can open myself. Happily accepting the looks of admiration I get when I am pretending to be just a girl around town.

(Exhibit C)

No offense to you minivan moms out there. I can’t pull it off. I’m sure it looks great on you…..

Favorite car conversation 7/23/13

Posted on July 24, 2013 by Whitney

Meet Hayden. He is 8 years old.

Hayden: Mom, when we go to college, do we stay somewhere else?

Me: Yes. You live at school.

Hayden: Oh man. That sucks. We are away for a whole year?

Me: Don’t say sucks, Hayden. And you come home on weekends so I can do your laundry and feed you.

Hayden: Wait!!! You don’t get fed in college????!!

Suddenly….this summer!

Image

I sent my three California kids (along with their cousin) to the Hill Country of Texas for two weeks.( My husband said I was shipping them to Camp Hell for 10 days because of the heat and humidity.) But let’s face it, kids are resilient. Heat doesn’t bother them. “Pain don’t hurt.” ~to quote from the amazing movie Roadhouse.(yes I said it was amazing.)

I’m a Texas native and wanted to give my kids a meaningful connection to my home state. They had never been to sleep away camp and they were excited. I too was excited. I had 2 full weeks without kids, without dogs, without any responsibility except to see old friends and eat and drink myself silly. I mean, I had to be in Austin in case there was “an emergency” at camp. That’s just good parenting. 😉 My husband was kind enough to pretend to believe that reasoning.

On the 2 hour drive from Austin to camp, my kids and their cousin, discussed the exciting things they would be experiencing. (Canoeing, Horseback riding, Archery, Campouts, the Guadalupe River, and of course…NO PARENTS!) I gave them a thumbs up code so I could get a sense of how they were doing in camp pictures. (2 thumbs up~ awesome time, 1 thumb up~ ok, no thumbs….miserable)

Needless to say every day I’d go to the camp websites and scroll through the pictures. Not one kid adhered to my thumbs up code. And only one of 3 wrote consistently to let us know they were a- having a great time, b- were a little homesick, and c- needed money, sunglasses, and Minecraft books. But I could see from the huge grins on their faces (and the charges made at the Canteen)…they were having a blast. In a world where kids can’t play in their own front yards much less be free to roam their neighborhoods, sleep away camp gives them the freedom that we all took for granted.

And let’s not forget my freedom! Freedom to sleep in until 9am! Freedom to eat chips and salsa for breakfast, lunch and dinner! Freedom to have marathon couch viewings of Netflix series. Ahhh I love sleep away camp!

Lord knows we moms need a break from our rewarding yet challenging 24 hour 7 days a week full time mom gig. I was instantly reminded of that when we got home and I opened my daughter’s suitcase to find a broken bottle of BBQ sauce drenching every article of clothing. And again the next morning when I was driving to the pediatrician’s office after being up all night with my son as he coughed and wheezed.

As I complete my millionth load of laundry, dole out meds, and answer the constant question, “what are we doing today, Mommy?”, I make a mental note to do the early bird sign up for next summer’s sleep away camp…and look into the 4 week session option. You know, for the kids.

“It happened one summer
It happened one time
It happened forever
For a short time…” ~The Motels (Suddenly Last Summer)

Carpool Confessions

A humorous take on life in the carpool line.

Tag Archives: kids

I Can’t Rage Against the Machine

mom guilt

Protect the children from balls…and similar safety messages.

You’re gonna catch me Ridin’ Dirty….

A lesson from Young MC

Help! I’m trapped in a minivan!

Favorite car conversation 7/23/13

Suddenly….this summer!

Image

Tell your friends!

Tell your friends!

Tell your friends!

Tell your friends!

Tell your friends!

Tell your friends!

Tell your friends!

Tell your friends!